Elfin Bee's night night thoughts

Not such a funny and thoughtful post, but.. January 15, 2009

maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I feel deceived whenever people have come to ask me for help and advise; for counselling etc, listening patiently and offering encouragement ; only to come to a point to realise that  it was a lie/and an exploitation.

People can be quite selfish: when they need help , they remember you. When they don’t, they just forgot what they said and move on with their lives.

They come to you with a problem and start ranting/crying; then when they are well on their feet, they move on to keep their own and completely forgot what they said beforehand…

Just feel so cheated. I am supposed to sleep after a long day but I supposed its good that I spend a late evening writing here (to make myself feel better)before sleeping for less then 6 hours to reassess what kind of magnamity I should offer to such people.

Should I: 1- give indefinitely ? 2-curse the person? 3- just forget it ?

Time and effort, care and concern do take up a lot of energy. To listen to one’s woes is another draining thing to do.  Not that I ask for returns; but neither do I ask for deceit.  

People often curse the bad but often consciously or subconsciously exploit the kind. When their lives are in place, they immediately choose to revert to their own lives and forget all about it. While some other individuals like me have to shoulder our own problems ourselves. Very often the ability and toughness is overlooked because we usually keep quiet of what we went through.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so kind and so generous. But I think its just my elfin-ic nature to care. What I do not like is the feeling of being deceived. Its not a very good feeling to have. And though I like to play and cheer around; turning the sad into spells of happiness; I think I need to learn to be toughen up against people who take me for granted and make more time for myself.

Apologies for the not so cheery tone. Its not my usual style. But once in a blue moon, I think writing is a form of taking the crap out of a hurt soul. Especially when friends are working/living so far away and having a close friend to just talk is so hard. It reminds me of the lonely years abroad studying and working; where one’s silent work appears to be taken for granted and rarely recognised in a proper way. Only to be side-stepped just because one had put more time in substance and work and less on socialising and image; and worse, being a much more kind person who doesn’t mind letting others to shine.

2009 should be a year that I take note of this far more seriously than before and emerge as a far more formidable person of character and abilities.

ps: should really count myself lucky to find this out sooner !

pps: feel much better now.